Just Joking

The laid back approch to business.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SXNAtwYMBw

A judge in Stuttgart, Germany, is currently trying to decide on a lawsuit in which a man hired his neighbour to impregnate his wife. It gets weirder. Demetrius Soupolos, 29, and his former beauty queen wife, Traute, were very keen to have a child together, but Demetrius was sterile so they began to seek out other possible options. The option the couple eventually decided on was to hire their neighbour Frank Maus, 34, to impregnate Traute. Maus, who was already married with two children agreed to do the job for the fee of

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.' I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.' Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'' No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.' So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T I used to like the little //.B.W.F./…

Subject: FW: dart's night & the lodger THE LODGER A couple take on an 18 year old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathroom and she could use a tin bath in front of the fire. 'Mondays the best night, when my husband goes out to darts', she said, so the girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday. After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair and told her husband when he came home. He didn't believe h…

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall The structure of the wall was incorrect So he won ten grand from Claims Direct. It's Raining, It's Pouring Oh sh!t, it's Global Warming. Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her Between two chunks of bread. Mary had a little lamb It ran into a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its @rse And turned its wool to nylon. Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie Kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play He kissed them too cause he was gay. Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son. Ja…

SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away... TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have …

The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit, returning with it ready to skin and cook. Night falls... First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes. "Excellent!" remarks the trainer. Next up - the Para 's. They finish their ca…

Reckon his is for real.............??

Comments allegedly made on under-performing students' report cards by teachers in New York City. * Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. * I would not allow this student to breed. * Your child has delusions of adequacy. * Your son is depriving some village of an idiot. * Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. * The student has a 'full six pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together. * This child has been working with glue too much. * When your daughter's IQ hits 50, she should sell. * The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. * If th…

The ASDA Greeter (priceless) A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger, woman wearing a Celtic top walked into ASDA in Castlemilk (a sprawling council estate on Glasgow's south side) with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?' The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F*ck naw, they're nae twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the f*ck would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupid?' 'I'm neither blin…

If you had purchased $1000 worth of Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1000 worth of AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1000 worth of Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today. But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for a recycling refund, you would have received $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.

Towards the end of the golf course, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden, POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, 'I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life: better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!' Then …

Wee Tam was in the garden filling in a hole when his English neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the mad man was up to, he politely asked, 'What are you doing there, Thomas?' 'My goldfish died,' replied Wee Tam tearfully without looking up, 'and I've just buried him.' The English neighbour was very concerned. 'That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?' Wee Tam patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, 'That's because he's inside your cat.'

The most exciting thing this weekend .... I saw Postman Pat's new van on telly. Very impressive: Pat's new van