Just Joking

Old People Are Great. This will warm your heart, just when you have lost faith in human kindness.. Someone who teaches at a middle school in Safety Harbor, Florida, forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today. "Dear Safety Harbor Middle School: God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at …

An al Qaeda guerilla, desperate for water, was plodding through the desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties. The Arab asked, 'Do you have water?' The Jewish man replied, 'I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.' The Arab shouted, 'Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first.' 'Okay,' said the old Jew, 'it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger th…

A moment of sadness With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it Is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Cokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started. Shut up. You know it's funny.......

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges

And Englishman, Scotsman, and Irishman walk into a bar. Each orders a beer. And when the three beers arrive in front of each, three flies fly down, one landing in each man's beer. The Englishman pushes his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman grabs the fly with his fingers, flicks in out of his beer, and drinks as if nothing has happened. The Irishman grabs the flay with his fingers, lifts it above the beer and begins shaking the fly saying, "Spit it out!! Spit it out you little thief!!"

A Paddy walking through a field sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand. The Paddy shouts "N

The 11th Husband A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin". "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?" "Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. "Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me. "Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. "Husband # 4 was in Tele…

Went out for a drink with the brother in law and his missus the other day, got to talking about the house they've just bought and the brother in law asked if I could fit an alarm for them, Naturally I said nee bother I'll do it for cost, so I asked if they had anything in mind good alarm/budget alarm, garage on or not, RKP upstairs and so on, anyway at this point brother in laws missus asked if she could have "Pastel coloured detectors" at which point I smiled 'sympathetically and said they really only come in white! so she then asked "Can the buttons make different ringtunes" as she didn't like the one in the last house, my then 'sympathetic' smile turned into a 'hard t…

-----King Arthur and the Witch : Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year'…

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up. Suddenly, Lulu's Grandma came by. Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her that the police were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, …

ypes of People You Might Meet in the Men's Room EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not. CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed. TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later. INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink. CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor. WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection. FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug. ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants. CHILDISH: Pisses d…

The speed of light = 299 792 458 m/s Ok so.......what is the speed of dark? Another thought, light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

A day without sunshine is like........ Night!!!

Check out funny but not in public area please before it gets pulled!! :)