The Future Of Nursery Rhymes

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

The structure of the wall was incorrect

So he won ten grand from Claims Direct.

It's Raining, It's Pouring

Oh sh!t, it's Global Warming.

Mary had a little lamb

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her

Between two chunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb

It ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up its @rse

And turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play

He kissed them too cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Jill, the dill,

Forgot her pill,

And now they have a son.

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

And planned to do some kissing.

Jack made a pass

And grabbed her ass

Now his two front teeth are missing.

Mary had a little lamb

Its fleece was white and wispy.

Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease

And now it's black and crispy.