Just Joking

I'D LOVE TO BE EIGHT AGAIN A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. 'I'd love to be eight again' she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early and made her a bowl of Coco Popsand jammy toasties! He took her to Alton Towers and put her on every ride in the park: * The Death Slide * The Wall of Fear * The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milk shake . Then it was off to the movies: the latest Kiddie…

The population of this country is approximately 60 million. 32 million are retired. That leaves 28 million to do the work. There are 17 million in school or at Universities. Which leaves 11 million to do the work. Of this there are 8 million employed by the UK government. Leaving 3 million to do the work. 1.2 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden, and fighting in Afghanistan , etc Which leaves 1.8 million to do the work. Take from that total the 0.8 million people who work for Local County Councils. And that leaves 1 million to do the work. At any given time there are 488,000 people in hospitals or claiming Invalidity Benefit. …

SCHOOL PHOTOGRAPHS This is brilliant I couldn't believe it, check it out. This Website is amazing. They actually have photographs of almost every School in the World. Unless you went to School when cameras weren't invented, you will find a photo of yourself or at least your classmates. Click on the link below or type it into your search line. You have to enter the name of your school and Year that you were there. Give it a go..... They Found Me!!!!!!!!!! http://www.worldschoolphotographs.com/

Never expected to win, http://www.themessagegroup.com.au/last-nig...mit_create.html

The Why's of Men 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time) 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions) 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? ( because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock) (You're laughing, aren't you?!?!) 5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties) 6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy) 7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEA…

Makes you think !!! The price of Petrol versus Printer Ink All these examples do NOT imply that petrol is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are.... You will be really shocked by the last one! Compared with Petrol...... Think a gallon of petrol is expensive? This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective. Diet Snapple 16 oz

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home fr…

Butt dust? Read on and you'll discover the joy in it. These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative! JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked, "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?" MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember, you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six." STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window." BRITTANY (age 4) …

Subject: Replacement Windows > >> Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with > >> that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, > >> I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was > >> complaining that the work had been completed a whole year > >> ago and I still hadn't paid for them. > >> > >> Hellloooo ...just because I'm blonde doesn't mean > >> that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his > >> fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE > >> YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! >…

A lady goes on vacation to Jamaica . Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love-making she asks him "What is your name?" "I can't tell you," the black man says. Every night they meet, and every night she asks him again what his name is, and he always responds the same, he can't tell her. On her last night there she asks again, "Can you please tell me your name?" "I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me," says the black man. "There is no reason for me to laugh at you," the lady says. "Fine, my name is Snow!" the black man replies. And the lady bursts into laughter. The black man gets mad and says, "I knew you woul…

From the local news today, a neighbour was interviewed following a stolen car being crashed into the side of an elderly persons bungalow. "It was an awful mess, the car smashed right through the wall and knocked her parrot off his perch, poor little love".

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1920s, 30s , 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s!! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses full of asbestos. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese & tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took cadging lifts.As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. A trip to the co…

Wouldnt you just love one of these..........?

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his bald head and his wooden leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate. The man thinks this is terrible because they emphasized his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he received another parcel. Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your …

>> IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE YOU LAUGH, >> YOU NEED HELP! >> >> A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on >> a busy lunchtime. >> They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit >> complete with pager >> >> As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly: 'Gee, >> she's fat!' >> >> The mother bent down and whispered in the little boys ear to >> be quiet. >> A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his >> hands as far as they would go and annou…