Just Joking

Extract from - Kate Adie, The autobiography. American troops in Saudi Arabia being interviewed. We spent the entire morning with several thousand American Gis – 10% women, over 30% black & 100% dim. The idea that they’d be sassy, articulate, characterful individules from the Land of the Free is straight from Hollywood. The US army takes unpromising material & moulds it ruthlessly into dull unit responds to orders, or, to use the only phrase we heard forty-four times that morning, ‘does its dooty’. Dozens of these large, overfed & slightly lackadasical troops stared blankly as we asked them: ‘Why are you here? Why are you going to fight?’ One of the main…

My wife asked me to leave because I don't show any affection. She said, "Pack your bags, kiss the kids and go". I said, "No, I'll just pack my bags and go".

A man gets a whore back to his hotel room. "How much is this going to cost?" he asks. "£200" she says as she goes into the bathroom to freshen up. She comes out and he's masturbating furiously. "What are you doing?" she says. "For £200 you think I'm going to let you have the easy one?" he replies.

I've just bought a JVC LCD 1080P HD TV. The rest of the alphabet was out of stock.

When asked if he preferred legs or breasts, Paddy said that in fact, he had a particular fondness for shaved fannies. He was informed that this wasn't an option with a KFC Bargain Bucket!

Having already downed several "power drinks", she turned in her chair, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Listen here, good looking. I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, naked or with clothes on. It doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it!" Eyes now wide with interest, he replies: "No kidding? I'm a Lawyer too. What firm are you with?"

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ky7rbs8BBc

True or what

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist? Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? "I am" is reportedly the…

A bloke picks up a chinese girl and takes her back to his flat she says ill do anything you want me to he says ok how about a 69 she says u can f*ck off im not cooking at this time of night

1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.> 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 3. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 5. Crying is blackmail. 6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 8. Come …

2 boys in a park playing football,1 of the boys starts getting atacked by a pitbull terrior a passing man picks up a peace of 2 by 4 and beats the dog saving the boys live a reporter is also passing by and goes upto the man with his note pad and pen and starts writing man city fan saves a boys live then the man interupts saying hes not a city fan so the reporter starts again saying a man utd fan saves boys live the man again inerutps and says am not a manutd fan neither the reporter asks what r u then he says im a liverpool supporter so the reporte begins writing scouse bastrad kills loving family pet

A young journalism graduate from Arkansas had gone to work for the New York Times. His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story. An idea came to him, and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home state of Arkansas. Deep in the woods, he came upon a farmers house and decided this would be a good place to start. He introduced himself to the back country farmer and explained why he was there. The farmer (named Farmer Mahon) agreed to answer his questions. The reporter asked the farmer what event in his life had made him the happiest? Farmer Mahon replied, "One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep. We all formed a posse and found it…