Just Joking

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the counter the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack,10-pack or a family pack. "I'm really going to give it to this girl," the boy tells the pharmacist. "I intend to plug every o…

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c8ad4aa802/wax-on-f-ck-off-with-ralph-macchio?playlist=hall_of_fame Lookes like a laugh, if you're late 30s.

Fat woman getting ready for fancy dress party tells hubby she has nothing to wear. He says "Pull your piss flaps over you head and go as a sugar puff!"

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the pr...isoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison. And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enj…

Violence is never the answer unless the question is ‘what is never the answer?’

I was on Dragon's Den but got thrown out. Apparently asking Deborah Meaden to "**** off and get me a sandwich while the men talk business" is unacceptable.

In memory of a great man. Ronnie Barker, RIP. This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god knows how many takes). Irony is that they received not one complaint. The speed of delivery must have been too much for the whining herds. Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not wetting your pants] as you read ... http://techrepublic....=245883&start=0 And just for fun

Politicians are like nappies. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.

I know it's not a joke but I dont really know where else to put this. Just watch it, it's amazing. Banjax. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=426GPgetJmw&feature=player_embedded

The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down here? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train wi…

Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." They got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine. They are SO on my //.B.W.F.// list ...

when i kick the bucket, i want one of those American jazz type funerals, i.e. sad music for about a minute the bust into some crazy new orleans style jaz - and i don't even like jaz but admire that idea. i have had unfortunately to attend 2 funerals in the last weeks, my next door neighbour we lost to cancer. who had become one of our closest friends over the nine years we have lived here, so a very sad loss. at his funeral we learned some of the really typical things about him, from his only son who bravely read a eulogy, there was lots of it, but the really outstanding funny mentions were -: he could easier be found on the farms than at school, so mucking out pig…

if any of you laugh at this -then your very bad people Arfur