Just Joking

A different perspective on Airport Security Here is a proposal BAA should initiate. The solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports: Have a booth that you can step into that will not x-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your body. It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this **** about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift. This is so simple that it's brilliant. I can see it now. You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes ove…

just bought my epaleptic friend a strobe light for his birthday! he is goin to have a fit wen he sees it!!

I couldn't find the thingy that turns the tv over so i asked the kids if they'd seen it. They said she left me yesterday.

You send £2 a month to Africa to feed the starving and what happens ? They buy bloody plastic Trumpets!

Met office has released a severe weather warning. A shower of **** is heading this way from south africa! LOL

always interests me that All Nations have another nation to use as the but of jokes, English use The Irish, Americans use the Poll's and so on so read on -: An American tourist in Tel Aviv, suddenly felt a strong urge to pee .. He kept looking for a public toilet but to his dismay, there just weren't any. Having no choice, the U.S. tourist entered an alley, stood in a corner hidden by a high wall and began to unzip. Before starting to urinate, he felt a slight tap on his shoulder. He turned to see an Israeli police officer standing at his side. "Excuse me sir" says the cop, "you are not allowed to urinate in public." The tourist apologizes, saying that he has no …

A man was riding his Harley beside a Sydney beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, The Lord said. 'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to New Zealand so I can ride over anytime I want.' The Lord said; 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking, the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little m…

A Flat Stomach A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.. The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you and Dad doing?' The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it..' 'Your wasting your time,' said the boy. 'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled. 'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.'

A woman goes to the doctors beaten black and blue with a fractured arm. Her explanation was every time her husband comes home drunk this happens. The doctor thought about this and decided on a regime, so instructed her to take a mouthful of tea and swill it around her mouth every time her husband came home drunk and not to swallow until he had gone asleep. After two months she came back to thank the doctor as the problem had finished, and she wondered how it had worked. The doc just tilted his head and said " See what happens when you keep your mouth shut!"

Subject: Sex Problems 1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big penis or a good memory.. I don't remember, what I chose. 2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects. 4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...' 5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together. 6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. 7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly. 8. Virginity can be cured. 9. Virginity is not dig…

Medical Advice For those of us who watch what we eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies: 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians. 3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians. 4. The Italians drink large amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, Br…

A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world." "It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife?" The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his cane and kick his seeing-eye dog in the a*s."

husband and wife decide to make a password for sex ( washing machine ). they go to bed and husband says " washing machine " wife says "not tonight i have a headache" 30mins go by and she feels guilty so says "washing machine " husband replies " its to late, it was only a small load so ive done it by hand"

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that stutter', she says. A little girl raises her hand 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered', she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. 'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard! 'That must've been scary', said the teacher' It sure was', said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff,, Fffff'. And before he could say ' f$