Just Joking

JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?'' The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.' The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!' While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes…

This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. Many of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it. An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist said, 'Hello, sir. Can you please tell me why you're here to see the doctor today?' 'There's something wrong with my dick,' he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crow…

Jacqueline and her husband Marc went for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Jacqueline went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured, over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking Jacqueline to stand, unbuttoned her blouse, embraced her, put his hands on her breasts and kissed her pas…

Smile

Do you need a laugh?? What Religion is Your Bra? A man walked into the ladies department of Myer's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. ' ' What type of bra?' asked the clerk. 'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?' ' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour and material imaginable. 'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from .' Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied: 'There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types…

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. He bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cath…

A man goes to the doctor and says "I have a problem with my hearing" The doctor says "What are the symptoms?" The man replies "They are a yellow family on the TV............" I'll get my coat................

I'm sure you'll all be wanting one of theses http://www.comancheforum.com/Monkey5-high.wmv Chris.

A Scotsman asks the dentist the cost of a tooth extraction."

Alledgedly Genuine clips from 1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it. 2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore. 3. It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow. 4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it backfired and burnt my knob off. 5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage. 6. And their 18yr old son is continually banging his balls against my fence. 7. I wish to report that tiles are misssing from the outside toilet roof, I think the bad wind the other night blew them off. 8. My l…

Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!!

Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "Im gonna have the day off, Im gonna prtend Im mad!" He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts "I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!" Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. "Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman. "I cant work in the friggin dark! " says Murphy.

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack. 'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?' Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?' The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome .' In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them. Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?' The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers,…