British Airways

After British Airways flight BA293 reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is John Stirk - your captain for today. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from New York JFK to Manchester. The weather ahead is good, and we have a following jet-stream, so we should have a smooth, uneventful flight, arriving 30 minutes before our scheduled landing time. So sit back, relax and ............ OH, JESUS CHRIST!"

Absolute petrified silence followed from all the 225 passengers!

A few seconds later, the captain came back on the intercom:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my trousers!"

One relieved passenger broke the silence, and shouted back:

"You should see the back of mine mate!"