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Funeral Parlours


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stretching the thread a bit, but i love a good practicle joke, on a union shop stewards course at the Esher Colledge facility, during the 3 day course we were told that past kings used the building's to have 'out of sight' relationships with there consorts, it had secret passageways to die for, the whole nine yards.

men being men we got into telling ghost stories after a long visit to the local pub. you can always tell the nervous one's who stay on 'to be men' but are absolutely scarred whitless.

there is was a generally unused wing which was reputed as being haunted, so playing on this we decided to visit it saying it was uncannily cold and quiet from an earlier visit we had done.

so we 'searched' several rooms and played up the cold feel aspect for the benifit of the nervous guys, then edged them to open a particular door, result as they openned it the curtains of the window flew just the other side flew into their face's, caused simply by the draught from the door but heart attacks all around.

i laughed myself sensless most of the night at the 'sissy's' reactions.

priceless!

regs

alan

Edited by arfur mo

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

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  • 8 months later...

A friend had to make several visits to one funeral parlour, and soon got on good terms with the staff.

On his last visit, he found the staff sat round a table playing cards. They asked if he wanted to join in, and pointed to a spare chair between two of them.

He sat down and the game started.

Each player had their turn and it became the turn of the guy who was sat next to my mate. He had been sat there with some cards in his hand, but had said nothing.

After a few seconds...my mate looked closely at him and realised the staff had dressed up a corpse and sat it at the table with some cards in its hands!

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A friend had to make several visits to one funeral parlour, and soon got on good terms with the staff.

On his last visit, he found the staff sat round a table playing cards. They asked if he wanted to join in, and pointed to a spare chair between two of them.

He sat down and the game started.

Each player had their turn and it became the turn of the guy who was sat next to my mate. He had been sat there with some cards in his hand, but had said nothing.

After a few seconds...my mate looked closely at him and realised the staff had dressed up a corpse and sat it at the table with some cards in its hands!

That is absolutley sick :X

"If you carry your childhood with you, you never become old. Why rush to end life when happiness is in the blissfulness of childhood innocence."

"We all die, the goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will."

07475071344

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Years ago I did some work in the local hospital morgue on the Access System.

From the day the system was installed they thought they had a ghost meddling with it with lots of banging, with doors locking and unlocking on their own...

Hospital Services had fitted the kit, and after some investigation I found the problem. One 2A PSU was running 3 Double mags @1A each. Obviously the doors were taking it in turn to lock and unlock. A big fat 5A PSU fixed it...

I can imagine it was quite a bit spooky! (did make me laugh though :P )

Worst but, apart form the guests, was the 70VAC across the Ceiling Grid and the PSU Earth. Oohh that hurts..

Hospital services didn't give a $h1t... :no:

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  • 4 months later...

Years ago I did some work in the local hospital morgue on the Access System.

From the day the system was installed they thought they had a ghost meddling with it with lots of banging, with doors locking and unlocking on their own...

Hospital Services had fitted the kit, and after some investigation I found the problem. One 2A PSU was running 3 Double mags @1A each. Obviously the doors were taking it in turn to lock and unlock. A big fat 5A PSU fixed it...

I can imagine it was quite a bit spooky! (did make me laugh though :P )

Worst but, apart form the guests, was the 70VAC across the Ceiling Grid and the PSU Earth. Oohh that hurts..

Hospital services didn't give a $h1t... :no:

[/quo

Before i started in the security industry, i was a refrigeration engineer, any way i get a call from a local funeral parlour , and could i go round and repair their fridge. Like the naive young fool that i was , iwas on site 30 mins later.

"its down here he said " and at that point i smell a rat .

"its not the body chiller is it " said i...... too late !

Funeral director tells me not to worry as they had only one guest at the moment , but they had taken him out of the chiller , so as to give me unfettered access,

at that point he buggered off back upstairs leaving me to it , he had only gone and left his guest on the trolley (covered up) next to the chillers compressor, and the fault just happened to be on that . Ispent the next ten minutes replacing blown starter relay , nearly crapping my pants in the certain knowledge that the said corpse was going to sit up.

NEVER NEVER NEVER AGAIN!!

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  • 1 month later...
this threads been interesting, as an off shoot i used to wok the east side of london which had several abotuars on my patch, got to say watch the cows go in the door, and seeing all the 'waste' bins steaming and the smell made me feel real queasy. so always did them when they were not working.

anyone for a burger?

regs

alan

One of these in Sheffield, cow goes in, all your household products come out.

Luckily most of the Cameras are external and the smell is kind of sealed in, but working inside - Nightmare!

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One of these in Sheffield, cow goes in, all your household products come out.

Luckily most of the Cameras are external and the smell is kind of sealed in, but working inside - Nightmare!

It never ceases to amaze me what we engineers get asked to do. Cameras on a slaughterhouse. Yep, I can see the value in theft. I guess, we all know some bloke down the pub who can get anything. I take it the burgers were going out during the day & not when the alarm set.

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  • 2 weeks later...
I've done a slaughter house as well, a Piggy One.

All I can say is I refused to go in when they were 'working'!

The only part of the pig they don't use is the oink.

One of my colleagues climbed into the pen and started stroking the pigs saying it won't hurt!!

Dave

I too have had to do a Slaughter house and was not amused when i entered the room where the cutting is done, not nice. From that day on i always took an apprentice with me to site ;)

The worst bit was seeing the guys in the mess room eating sarnies whilst up to their eyes in blood

Needless to say that evening Salad was top of the list.

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  • 7 years later...

I used to service the CCTV in a local Crem, i was always facinated and had the "XXX" guided tour, doors open while they burn. It was a entertaining to me to see them burning, far from gruesome, but then again it was all down to the location if you catch my drift!

I too have done cctv service in a crem in london, the "guided tour" door/window you mentioned i think has to do with muslims/islam. i think their religion requires them to see the process or something like that.

 

I remember cleaning a camera directly above an oven (it was on) normal practice is a paintbrush to dust them off/clean cobwebs. I remember dusting it over the top and about a cm of ash/dust came off the top and thinking how many people did i just brush away :- ....

 

I made a point not to smell or breathe through my nose whilst in there as the ovens were on and it was a busy place and i didn't want that smell in my memory.

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Ironically you have resurrected this dead thread.

In the horror story section, very fitting. 

 

I dont know why i was talking like the thread was a day old and the op's were gonna read it :D

Edited by Rob Kirk
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Noooooooo!

Ah well, want to be a mod Rob K?

 

Im not sure i have contributed enough to be a mod wouldn't want to make the others feel like why has he got mod status. I wouldn't mind either way but I'm not leaving now I'm running on my own. This community is like having a small company of experienced managers (a lot of you are) to ask opinions of and very invaluable at times. 

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